Notes

(Note: i think my photo above is nicer than those they took for magazines that i've seen so far!)

Looking at my last entry...WOw! it must have been quite a struggle huh. One of the rare times i sortta "let it out" in such a candid manner.
Hmm...don't ask me why, i can't remember what sparked that.

Actually i'm troubled over some email exchanges at work today...so i can't quite sleep. But i am ok now, coz thank God some interesting way of replying that email came about and so i log on again to reply that email.
sigh! i really don't quite enjoy working in the corporate world. i mean...spending so many hours of your day doing something which doesn't quite get you anywhere for the rest of your life?  In another 2.5 years, i would have clocked 10,000 hours, which according to Malcolm Gladwell, 10,000 hours is the success criteria that professionals become expert at what they are doing and it is proven! Bill Gates, Bill Joy, spent that amount of time to become successful! 

So....Imagine this... i've been a daughter to mommy for like....29 years?? Being next to her, hearing her talk her heart out, eating with her, shopping with her, etc...that's more than 10,000 hours!!! so i must be a WONDERFUL Dotter! heheheehehheheheheh... i like that! Ok, i'm just being cheeky about it!  So ok, "Outlier" by Malcolm Gladwell is really an interesting book to read.

But why would i wanna spend so much time at something that's not quite what i want. Sigh! So what do i want? yar... u geddic? the questionings never end. i'm good at what i'm doing but somehow it is not anchoring me to something that i was meant to be/do. *faint*

Still, i'm hoping to explore somewhere out there..hopefully outta Singapore even if its just a short stint. Well...maybe i still won't know what i want, but i guess i'm already 50% there by knowing what i don't want..

ALrighty! Thank God i'm recovering well...hopefully will get well enuf to meet fwends.

Wee! Lights out!

nite Yesus! Hugs, your dotter...

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

u know... when things have changed, it means they have indeed changed...this statement probably sounds silly but that's the limited way i know to express.

Jo & i were having a pretty long chat. Friends, to begin with become far and fewer as you grow older let alone true ones.  Guess we both experienced the same "smack" on our faces every now and then. It's not as if we didn't know... but, this is it. This is it u know. It hurts big time. And jokingly i once told a friend, i'm more hung up over this than when i broke up with my ex. And i wonder if they would cry should i pass on suddenly from Earth.

i thread on a thin line between feelings of gladness & cautiousness when someone whom i met recently told me, "hey, we missed u in xxx until i heard u left...". i mean...u can't be bothered much with me when i was "existing" for years and all of a sudden u miss me? i believed her when she said that but i'm cautious not to give my heart away so easily anymore. Dunno.. i think very few would identify with me. Some typical ppl would make flippant statements like "oh, she don't seem to be doing so well (spiritually)..." Come on, this is a heart affair ok? U mean Jesus never had to deal with betrayal and the agony of trying friendships? i cried buckets over friends mind you. And my only comfort at the end day is knowing my dear Lord holds my tears in a bottle.

But i do understand and believe its just that their lives are too crowded to include us in their hearts anymore. So i told Jo we have to move on and treasure those who really mean it when they make time for you. And those friends are for keep as long as time & circumstances allow. So, for this reason, more often than not, i'm not so keen to share a present with 15 other ppl for someone's birthday anymore. Sharing is fine between close frens.  But those mass-sharing thingy? No thanks. The last time i shared a pressie with a group of ppl, the bdae girl didn't even know i was one of those who bought her the gift! it was my mistake and i do agree it was out of convenience that i shared, i was guilty of not being personal.  Things are getting less personal these days... sometimes u get invited only ending up like a dummy taking up an extra space. Out of the blue, you get a SMS from a friend whom had not bothered to keep in touch with you for the pass 5 yrs, to attend her wedding that is ONE month away. We are talking about someone who could not be bothered to meet up with you coz she's perpetually "busy".  Be real. i can accept it better if you tell me friends come and goes and our friendship was as good as it lasted during uni days. We moved on. But i cannot accept it if you are inviting me to fill up tables for you. Sorry, i'm not going to pay $100 to be a dummy and fake smiles throughout the wedding evening. Period.  By the way, don't be a kaypo and SMS me "oh, i heard u....i heard u.... i heard u... i heard u..." Goodness! How many times must you "hear" from other ppl about me and tell me via SMS that you "heard" this and that about me?? You don't have to become a Dick Tracy to find out about me from the whole world and then best part SMS me that you "heard" from the whole world about me? While i'm thankful you went to do so much backstage preparation just to sms me, i would rather you be upfront with me and spend some quality time with me to find out from the horse's mouth how i'm doing.

It's not that i didn't try. i always try to work things out.. but things have really changed. i've lost the connection with these ppl. And it cuts my heart big time. The precious memories i still cherish and i will always keep these close to heart. But i have to learn to let go. Whoever said to take the pain away doesn't understand that pain is precious in moments like these coz pain is never wasted.

Would you remember me rushing all over the place for you? Would you remember me giving my time & love to you at the expense of my health, etc.? Would you remember me when i pass on? Do you really know who i am? Do you really cherish me?

these days you could hardly share without fear of being judged, without fear of "have u heard about HY....", without fear of someone trying to perform his/her "godly" duty as a christian friend.. where is love between friends? What is true reconciliation if it is done in the name of God but without real heart? Personally, i think God prefer a heartfelt sorry than a show-for-all pure act of legalism.

i dunno how to be a friend nor make friends anymore... i even find it hard to make small talks...i mean what to talk about? i totally suck at it.
Guess such is the reality of life. You cannot win all the time. But those times you didn't win, you learn that losing is also part of growing up.

Forgive me. i'm still growing up.

Thank you Jesus

When things change, it basically means things can never be the same again.
Yesterday's bloom will not be the same as today's.
The Clock can be turned back no more.
Don't try too hard to make yesterday happen again...

i once saw a dozen shooting stars at a near impossible site
No one would believe me if i told them where
Tried again to repeat my experience
But experience told me i can't expect things to be the same again.

Everyday is a day to be thankful for.
Thank you Jesus.

You make all things beautiful in Your time.

Thank you for every different day of my life.

You've Got Male (baby)...

Daddy, How was I born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers, Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mum and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.

Then I set up a date via email with your Mum and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little 'Pop-Up' appeared that said

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Court Proceedings...

Below is an email forwarded to me on some humourous court proceedings...i found some quite hilarious!

ENjoy!

------------------------------------------Forwarded Email-------------------------------------

Subject: Court Proceedings

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.


ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
_______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________ _
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight..
_______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral..
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.